Finding Identity

I have decided that it's time to put the name Identity to rest. Finding Identity still very much represents my journey right now, but it also represents the ministry that I held so dearly to my heart for almost three years. One which I dreamed with a community of friends and watched it birth only to have to walk away from it and watch it die 15 months after it's launch. I will never forget it's impact on me, and surely it will have great impact on the future ministries I am involved in. But now it's time to move on.

I am building again. Not the same, it will never be the same, but it will be good...possibly even great one day. So I've decided to start over with a new blog, new name, etc. I couldn't seem to even bring myself here to write. Possibly because the pain is still very real. Forgive me for starting again, and if you read regularly, thank you. I ask that you would follow me on the journey. Below you will find the new address for the new site. Stop by and share your thoughts. If you would like, link me to your own blog if you have one. Thanks.

www.pjcarnes.blogspot.com

Posted by PJ at 11:35 PM | Permalink | Comments

Of course, I get back to work and my blogging responsibilities suffer!

I have been trying to get to a place where I could blog, but it's been an adjustment trying to get myself back into some semblance of order! I love my new job; it truly is a God-ordered step that I'm there. Every day that I go, I feel blessed to be there and honored that God chose to put me in that place and especially in the department I am working.

Been with some friends lately that are going through similar situations as we have this summer and it has been hard to watch their pain. As I have gone through this and watching others go through it, I am reminded of my thoughts many times before: this is not how Jesus intended His church to be or to act! If we read the Gospels, as unbiased as possible, (we all come to the scripture with our own biases and prejudices, whether we want to or not), we see especially in the Sermon on the Mount that Jesus came to present a new way of life, not a new religion.

He came not to exclude, but to include. The Beatitudes, which many people try to say is the laundry list of how we should be if we want to experience God, is really an expression of who God will allow to experience the Kingdom of God. Dallas Willard, in Divine Conspiracy, does a much better job than I do in explaining this point, but what the "blessed are..." list is really there for is to explain that even those who mourn, are persecuted, poor in spirit, etc., will be allowed to experience the Kingdom. These individuals with the qualities outlined here were mostly the "marginalized" individuals of Jesus' day. It would be like saying, "blessed are those who struggle with alcoholism, for they too can experience the kingdom of God." (Using those who struggle with addiction as an example of those who are marginalized by our "Christian" subculture.)

Those on Jesus' list were marginalized in that day. Imagine how the Pharisees looked upon those who were "poor in spirit." Why would God bless being poor in our spiritual lives when God is always working on us to grow deeper in our spiritual walk with Him? He is not blessing a spiritually deficient lifestyle, he is trying to express that the Kingdom of God is for everyone who desires to grow spiritually, but might struggle and find themselves outside the boundaries set up by the religious elite. He is saying that "even they can be blessed by the kingdom." No one is excluded here.

What we see in the world today in Christianity is more and more becoming an elitist society, more associated with Phariseeism than with Jesus. His intention was to reveal the Kingdom of God, a society based upon the character God displays through His people...not a hierarchy of rules and regulations built to keep out those who don't measure up!

The Church, not a religion, but a people of like spirit and heart, are supposed to be a community of love and support. Christianity has become a business, which thinks profit and success as secondary to people and hearts and lives. You might say, but I know this or that church that doesn't operate like that, then I'd say, good...don't look at it as an example of Christianity then, but one of the Kingdom in operation and being revealed.

Religion can't bring life. Only intimacy produces life. And you must be vulnerable to be intimate. Vulnerability is not proper in religion, so it suffers barrenness.

Sorry, sound so down tonight, but that's what's on my mind. What's on yours? Leave me a comment.

Posted by PJ at 11:05 PM | Permalink | Comments

Well, good news at last! I am back in the working world. I got the job I had interviewed for at the local hospital. It is really going to be a good job I believe. It seems that I will be working with some really good people who really care about the job they are doing and want to make things excellent. I am enjoying getting organized and having some structure to my life once again. Also, some friends of mine are going to be getting together this next week and we're going to start studying and praying together. It is time for some intentional worship as a community once again. Where it goes from there is up to God. I'm game, but just happy to see our situation solidifying a bit now that I'm working. Thanks for all the prayers out there. You know who you are!

Posted by PJ at 8:11 PM | Permalink | Comments

There is another thing that I have been thinking about since Sunday. I had the opportunity to receive communion twice on Sunday, in both services at Genesis. I know many people who are in traditional churches have received it like they serve it, but it is completely new to me.

The pastor takes the bread, breaks it and invites us to come, take a piece, and dip it in the cup and receive, all the while he is saying to us "This is the body of Christ, broken for you. This is the cup, the blood of Jesus poured out for you." And each time, Brad had said it to me, speaking my name as he does. It makes this experience that I have presided over hundreds of times and participated in since I was nine years old, all new and all personal. I find myself tearing up as I leave the altar, almost not wanting to leave, just wanting to hear those words over and over again.

It was for me. Yes, I know it was for you, too, everyone in fact. But it is the personalization that it striking me. The intimacy. I've never known it so tender, and I have had some wonderful experiences during communion.

Thank You Lord for making it more real than ever before. Thank You for loving me.

Posted by PJ at 10:49 PM | Permalink | Comments

Haven't written in a few days, but was thinking about something since this weekend.

Friends of mine were involved in a tragedy. Their cousin's little two year old boy died over the weekend. Simply, he never woke up from his nap. My friend happened to be there and administered CPR for 20 minutes while waiting on the paramedics, but to no avail. They still are not sure what caused his death, as they await the autopsy report.

I went up to the hospital to be with my friends, as were just traumatized by the situation. The chaplain came and worked with the actual family of the child, so I stayed with my friends to comfort and support them, while watching the grief this young family was going through. I have never witnessed such grief, and such anguish. It made me want to flee, to run home and to grab my daughter, to never let her go again. I wanted to put her in our bed that night, I didn't, but I wanted to. I wanted to stay up all night and watch her, I didn't, but I wanted to.

It still creeps up on me sometimes, thinking of their sadness, of their pain. The funeral will probably be later today. Pray for them. They know the Lord, but they need Him to be very real right now.

What are the answers to situations like these? Can we truly say, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord?" How cold do those words sound in the face of such grief. And can one glibbly state that it is the enemy who takes life, not God, but yet still believe in an all-powerful, all-compassionate God? What are the answers? I simply believe having watched this unfold...there are no answers. Maybe one day...

Posted by PJ at 10:49 PM | Permalink | Comments

Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. They answered him, We be Abraham's seed, and were never in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free? Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin. And the servant abideth not in the house for ever: but the Son abideth ever. If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed. I know that ye are Abraham's seed; but ye seek to kill me, because my word hath no place in you. (John 8:31-37 KJV)

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." They answered him, "We are Abraham's descendants and have never been slaves of anyone. How can you say that we shall be set free?" Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. I know you are Abraham's descendants. Yet you are ready to kill me, because you have no room for my word. (John 8:31-37 NIV)

Then Jesus turned to the Jews who had claimed to believe in him. "If you stick with this, living out what I tell you, you are my disciples for sure. Then you will experience for yourselves the truth, and the truth will free you." Surprised, they said, "But we're descendants of Abraham. We've never been slaves to anyone. How can you say, "The truth will free you'?" Jesus said, "I tell you most solemnly that anyone who chooses a life of sin is trapped in a dead-end life and is, in fact, a slave. A slave is a transient, who can't come and go at will. The Son, though, has an established position, the run of the house. So if the Son sets you free, you are free through and through. I know you are Abraham's descendants. But I also know that you are trying to kill me because my message hasn't yet penetrated your thick skulls. (John 8:31-37 MSG)

In recent months and days, I have heard these scriptures taken out of context a lot. Especially in regards to fathers and sons in ministry. Especially that true sons never leave their (spiritual) father's house. The one statement of Jesus has been lifted out of this story of the teaching of Jesus and used to illicit a certain response. But just taking a brief study of the context and the surrounding passages, it gives us a greater understanding of what Jesus is teaching here and it has nothing to do with our local church ministries or the "spiritual father" message being taught in many churches today. (Please note, I don't believe that the whole spiritual fathering message is wrong, but I feel it is important that we bring things into context, especially with this subject, so that we are not "proof-texting" to make our points and prove something that is unprovable.

First of all, notice that the context in which this statement is made is in reference to Jesus telling the Jews that they were slaves to sin. They get bent out of shape, because their “Abraham’s kids” and never have been slaves. But Jesus goes on to explain to them, that everyone who chooses to live in sin has become a slave. Now, he describes slaves as one who is not a part of the family, a resident of the house, and is subject to be moved about by the will of their master. When we are slaves to sin, we have no rights, because our master, the devil, pulls the strings.

But notice what He says about the “Son” of the house. Because the Son is a permanent resident of the house, He has authority in the house to release a slave, if He so desires. This is why the KJV goes on to say, “If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.”

The principle that Jesus is teaching in this passage is not that one should never leave, or will never leave, the house of their father (in a spiritual sense), but He is teaching that those who struggle with sin in their lives will always be slaves, pulled from here to there until they encounter the Son of the House (Jesus) and because He is a permanent resident of the House, He can and will set them free permanently from sin.

This is where the Good News of the Gospel message truly is: we don't have to live as slaves to sin. We don't have to be ruled by our flesh or the devil, due to our desires, pulled from one issue to another all our lives, but if we can encounter the Son, Jesus, He promises He will set us free. There is freedom in the House of God. (I am not referring to the "church" by this phrase "House of God." But more specifically, the Kingdom...the spiritual house in which God's glory rests...in the gathering of His people who live out His Kingdom!)

Note that even the KJV uses the capital “S” when referencing the Son here in this passage. The translators understood that Jesus was referring to Himself! It is an incredible passage of scripture when we look at it in context.

Context is something that the church has been missing for a while.

Posted by PJ at 9:59 PM | Permalink | Comments

Well, we're still waiting. I talked with Human Resources and they said that we should know something within a week. Please pray that they will make a decision soon. I really need to get started working, like yesterday. I had another great interview on Monday, but they had one more interview to give, so I had to wait. I am just praying for God's favor to cover me and go before me.

Struggling a bit with feelings today. Been thinking a lot about what some people have said and hope that I have responded right. I don't want to hurt anyone. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about other people's responses or their feelings about our departure from the church. It was quick and I think that hurt some more than anything else. They feel as if I should have tried to work things out more. And maybe I should have, but I don't think it would have accomplished anything. Especially now watching other people dealing with the same issues now and seeing that it hasn't changed for them, even though they stuck it out.

I know that I sought God and that we moved as we felt God led us. I know that even in some of my plans, God changed them and made us go a different way than I wanted. So I have to trust that I did the best I could with what I knew and what I could do. I am praying that people can find it in their hearts to forgive me for the pain that came because of our departure. If there is anything in my life that I hate the most, it is that of losing friends. I value them too highly sometimes I think. For once in my life, we made a decision that strictly was based on what we had to do for ourselves spiritually and emotionally. Most of the time, I would cower to the needs of those around me and suffer the consequences so that their best would be done, in spite of what was done to us. This time was different. And some can't handle it, but I had to. I just know I had to.

Please pray that people would have eyes to see us for who we are and not what others have tried to portray us. Please pray that people can forgive and remain our friends in spite of the pain. Please pray that even if they can't or won't, that I will be able to let go and move on, still loving and praying and believing in them. Thanks.

Posted by PJ at 9:48 PM | Permalink | Comments